Reflections on two years of parenthood
I’ve been a parent for two years now! It has been over a year since I returned to work after having my first child; throughout this time, I have changed and learned a lot… I have (just about) figured out how to adapt to a new reality and way of working. Here are some reflections on the experience.
I’ve been a parent for two years now! It has been over a year since I returned to work after having my first child; throughout this time, I have changed and learned a lot… I have (just about) figured out how to adapt to a new reality and way of working. Here are some reflections on the experience.
Reflections on two years of parenthood
Flexible and remote working is a blessing
On reflection, I used to get by on a lot of overtime. Work isn’t done? Just squeeze in a couple of extra hours. That just doesn’t work anymore; I have to be somewhere on time for pick-up, and from that point on, it’s an intense and full-time endeavour (playing, bathing, wrestling into bed). Sure, I might be able to squeeze in a bit extra after bedtime, but I can feel myself edging towards burnout when that becomes frequent. Each day feels like it flies by - if I had to squeeze in an hour-long commute to a London office twice a day, I’m not sure how I’d manage. I know there are many parents out there managing - and I find it incredible! I’m thankful to be in the tech industry which feels generally much more forward-thinking when it comes to remote work and flexibility - I can move my hours to fit my needs, and my partner and I can manage relatively easily when the little one is home unwell from day care (which is shockingly often). Companies with flexible and remote working policies can really ease some of the burden on parents of young children.
I have a new-found respect for parents everywhere
Parents are superheroes! I had the stark realisation very early on of how much I’d under-estimated and under-appreciated how hard it can be to parent. Whether you’re back at work and juggling your job alongside parenthood, or if you stay at home to look after your children; it’s really hard. I work 4 days per week, and my “day off” is by far the most exhausting (“day off” is in quotes because it’s absolutely not a day off… it’s a full-time [no, a 24-hr!] job). For sure there are many moments that make it all feel worthwhile, and I appreciate the privilege of having and raising a child, but it completely shakes up your existence in ways you never imagined and the transition is intense. It affects your sleep, your health, your relationships, your view on life - everything. I’m glad to have other parents as colleagues at OpenSC, as well as a very understanding team. It’s so important to have that representation in companies of parents of all genders.
A lot can be achieved on shockingly little sleep…
I often wonder how I’ve managed to function over the past couple of years, and I find it hard not to worry about the effect on my career. I try to remind myself that although being in the midst of parenting struggles seems like it will be forever, the time of sleepless nights when children are small will fly by quickly in the grand scheme of a career. There’s more to life than work, and we can’t do everything. Working, cooking, parenting, learning, exercising, socialising… we have to give ourselves a break. I’ve found that I can’t afford to not look after myself anymore. I need to focus on eating well, exercising and getting to get to bed early as much as I can. Once again; having a supportive team, a supportive employer and access to flexibility and remote working are absolutely instrumental to getting some way to achieving balance and staying successful in your career.
Closing thoughts
Tomorrow is International Women’s Day, and I’d like to recognise here that when it comes to lack of support from employers, parents who are women are still disproportionately affected. UK research has show that 60% of professional women leave their organisation within a year of returning to the workplace after parental leave, the most common reason being lack of support from employers, which actually comes at a high cost to those employers (needing to re-hire for those positions and that lost talent). As I’ve iterated, flexible and remote working, representation and understanding as well as other policies and practices can make a huge difference to all parents, but they’re instrumental in enabling greater workplace equality. Joeli Brearley of Pregnant then Screwed articulates this all better than I could, so check them out for the latest research, facts & figures and ways to help out.
Credits
Photo by bady abbas on Unsplash